Bulimia Is often. (Very often) taken as the “easy” eating disoder. 

Anorexia is self control. Of the body and mind. Is having SO much “control” for fasting and denying yourself from food. 

And bulimia is left as the dissoder or those who don’t have a damn piece of self control in their bodies and mind. You know. Eat all you want and then purge cause well you are still going to lose weight aren’t you?

Well. No. 

Bulimia is a living hell. Just as anorexia. 

Both of the disorders lack any type of control. And the sense of it is absolutely fake. You are not in control. The disorder is . I used to go  through this stupid mind set where I told myself “only three more times and everything will be okay” so I only purged 3 more times. But nothing was okay. 

After purging I get a fake sense of relief. That doesn’t last much. And sometimes the guilt comes harder. But I keep telling and lying to myself that I would feel even worse with a full stomach. So that’s why I keep doing it. And after so so many years of living with bulimia I don’t even have to stick my fingers to my throat. Most of the times everything comes out with a weird twist I do with my stomach. And sometimes I don’t even have to do it. Food just comes back effortlessly. And it’s gross. Gross as fuck. God. The amount of times I’ve been on a bloody restaurant table with my mouth full of puke is simply gross. 

The smell after you purge is even worse. The smell stays there all the time. I swear. On your hair. Your fingers. Your nails. Your clothes. And it doesn’t matter how much deodorant you spray on the bathroom the bloody smell remains. 

And then there’s this even more sick thing I do. Which is basically eating/binging on the bathroom so I can save time and just purge. There are sometime where I’m still eating and purging. It’s like. One bite goes to my mouth. And then a splash of puke comes out. 

Gross no? 

Bulimia is gross. 

There’s nothing glamorous about it. 

So please. Don’t fucking ask me how to get “bulimia” or how I became one. Don’t ask me for tips on how to purge. Don’t fucking ask me for tips. 

Cause if you want this. You are honestly stupid.